The Next Step - Perception Checklist

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I'm learning more about my emotional landmines and how they're triggered. I know things aren't always what they seem, so I'm working hard to stop overreacting.

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I'm learning to think before I react. I gain perspective by intentionally slowing down my emotions, counting to 10, shoulders back, head up, and asking clarifying questions. I listen carefully to the answer. I respond as I would like them to respond to me.

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When a situation arises that would typically make me tense up, I put aside the old survival tools and focus on my new ones. I'm learning to gain perspective and communicate in a way that's meaningful for the other person. By doing this, I'm building trust and dismantling emotional landmines.

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I'm likable and worthy of being respected, and I take the time to notice people. I try to encourage friendship rather than turn away from it out of insecurity.

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When my boss calls me aside, I try my best not to assume anything. I'm confident in talking to my boss and offer honest communication and feedback. I show appreciation when they complement me and when they offer correction. Both are important!

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I recognize that unresolved anger will derail the progress I'm making in gaining the confidence to trust others. When triggered, I'm learning to reconnect to the best part of myself and make decisions based on who I really am, not what I think I'm owed. I'm determined to "be somebody's rainbow."

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I'm learning to chill when I feel tense and can see the difference it's making in me and in my conversations with others. People are more interested in talking to me, and I'm getting to know people like my boss who I wouldn't have felt comfortable talking to before.

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I'm getting more comfortable approaching someone whose actions have triggered me in the past. Rather than acting on impulse, I stand tall, head up, shoulders back and smile confidently. In a nonthreatening way, I ask them to explain what they meant. I offer up my side and even laugh or apologize if I was off. I try my best to end the conversation on a good note.

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I've come to like talking to people I wouldn't think about talking to before. The interaction usually makes my day.

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Like Ms. Mary J. Blige says, "I've got the pose. I've got the vibe, and I'm not going to let anyone kill it." With this in mind, I pay attention to what's going on around me and am learning to tell fact from fiction. I'm going to be just fine.

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When I see something on social media or hear vicious gossip about someone, I don't add to the pile on. I pull back and get the facts. If it's simply none of my business, I move on.

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When I see or hear something that disturbs me, I make myself ask about it without making an assumption. I know my words have power, so I choose them to create a win-win rather than to intimidate and create an enemy.

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When flustered or frustrated, I remind myself to take a moment to marinate. I'm learning to stop and use the tips I've been taught, assume a confident stance and expect a better outcome.

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I've seen enough in life, the media, film and literature to understand that what seems one way can turn out to be something entirely different. I'm not quick to judge as a result.

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I understand that I need to get my facts straight before coming to any conclusion. If I assume, I'm already in trouble.

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I'm removing old survival tools like mistrust and apprehension and am gradually replacing them with the tools I need for a happier life, tools like courage, trust, hope, a sense of stability, compassion, confidence, self respect and admiration.

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I'm giving myself time to become comfortable with certain emotional triggers. I know that I'm making progress every time I STOP. SMILE. MAINTAIN A CONFIDENT POSTURE. DON'T ASSUME. LISTEN. SPEAK CALMLY. FIND THE TRUTH.

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I'm doing the hardest thing I'll ever have to do to become the person I'm meant to be. I'm not letting the past dictate to me about how to live. I'm stronger, more resilient, more creative, smarter and more versatile than most my age. I won.

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I'm doing the single most important thing I can do. That is, I'm being who I am at the core with no mask, no props. This way I've learned that I can see things I couldn't see before.

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I understand what's possible, and I have a larger vision for my life. My view of myself and my outlook on life is improved because I believe that it's possible that my past experience can save the life of even one person.

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Perception is NOT reality. Perception is perception. I'm gaining wisdom in seeing the truth about myself and others. I'm developing more confidence in the way I handle situations that used to make me angry or would shut me down. My new-found confidence has inspired me to dream bigger because I know "it's possible." I've already won.